Will Rogers Quotes

The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him ‘father.’

Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.

Democrats never agree on anything, that’s why they’re Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.

We don’t seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?

The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats.

It’s a good thing we don’t get all the government we pay for.

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.

If I studied all my life, I couldn’t think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what’s going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.

Do the best you can, and don’t take life too serious.

Prohibition is better than no liquor at all.

About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.

When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.

When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.

There’s only one thing that can kill the movies, and that’s education.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

Why don’t they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

An ignorant person is one who doesn’t know what you have just found out.

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. ‘Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that’s mass production.

If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

The schools ain’t what they used to be and never was.

We can’t all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.

Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier ‘n puttin’ it back in.

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets.

The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That’s one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.

The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.

People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn’t still be a farmer.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don’t get wet you can keep.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

It’s easy being a humorist when you’ve got the whole government working for you.

A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.

The United States never lost a war or won a conference.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don’t let it get the best of you.

So let’s be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.

One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.

Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people they don’t like.

The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.

Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.

An economist’s guess is liable to be as good as anybody else’s.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.

You’ve got to go out on a limb sometimes because that’s where the fruit is.

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

Don’t gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don’t go up, don’t buy it.