Bruce Eric Kaplan Quotes

I go through my day remembering things like telephone cords.

My father would often start to say something, then say ‘Forget it.’

What I like about graduation speeches is that they’re an opportunity for someone to make sense of their life and to impart that wisdom to someone else. It’s like a sanctioned self-help moment.

When I’m on the set, I’ll come up with ideas if I’m sort of just between responsibilities, because there’s a lot of sitting around on set. Invariably, though, the stuff I come up with on the set tends to be bad.

My cartoon life is in my office, and it’s very separate and getting very in my own head. My television life is I’m begging one of the actors to say the line in the way I’d like them to.

I started doing a Twitter feed when my father was dying. I was very distracted, preoccupied. It was upsetting.

I actually thought, like, I was sure ‘Get Smart’ and, like, ‘James Bond’ movies, I was sure that that’s what real life was like.

All I can really tell you about my father is that he did odd things like put tin foil on a bottle of beer after having a few sips, then put it in the refrigerator to perhaps have on another night.

My mother always bought our birthday gifts.

I read the ‘New Yorker’ when I was a kid. I used to love the cartoons and pick the cartoons out of the library, so I felt I knew the world of their cartoons.

I started trying to be a writer and failed for years. I tried novels, short stories, sitcoms, movies, plays, anything. And then, to support myself, I had millions of jobs on the fringes of show business.

Shooting in Los Angeles is always pleasant and comfortable. Shooting in New York is like being on ‘Survivor.’

In Los Angeles, it’s always nice out. In New York, it can be nice out or horrifying. You really have no idea what you’re going to get on any given day.

I always doodled as a kid while I was talking on the phone or watching TV.

In New York, all the crews read ‘The New Yorker.’ In Los Angeles, they don’t know from ‘The New Yorker.’

I thought about trying to do a strip. I even tried to do it, but I felt I didn’t have the voice. Even though I liked that form, I didn’t think I thought in the form of the three panels.

My mother couldn’t take having three boys. She was extremely jumpy, to say the least. Any noise startled her. The sound of a pot dropping on the ground could make her hit the ceiling.

In L.A., you can put out a craft-service table anywhere, and it’s no big deal. But in New York, people who walk by it on the street get really angry about it.

I was trying to be a writer, and I was kind of getting sidetracked, so I started doing cartoons as a form of expression.

I love graduation speeches. I have always loved them; I will always love them.

Yes, the people I draw don’t have a wide variety of looks. Every now and then I’ll spruce it up, like a woman will be wearing a two-piece suit as opposed to a one-piece, or a man will not be wearing a tie; he’ll just have a collar.

I’ve had mostly book parties, where I get very focused on inviting everyone and not forgetting anyone, although of course one always does, and being worried no one will show up, but mostly the book comes from going to parties and feeling very, for lack of a better word, anxious.

I’m continually working on myself. Nothing ever actually works.

In television writing, you want to hear what the characters say as opposed to giving them something to say. It’s the same with the cartoons.

It was memorable the first time ‘The New Yorker’ bought a cartoon from me. I had been sending them batches for years every week, and they didn’t respond to them.

Traditionally, the only way I come up with cartoons is by sitting at my desk and thinking.

Of course I loved ‘I Love Lucy’ and saw every episode over and over again. I found it heartbreaking that Ricky got to be famous and have an exciting life at the Tropicana while Lucy was stuck in that terrible apartment with the Mertzes.

I am assuming my father learned at an early age that there is nothing more dangerous than showing your true self. I think a lot of us learn that, and it actually may be true.

We are all just little dolls of ourselves. Who occasionally pull back the curtains to reveal the real us.

One quintessential moment in time is when you’re 22, when you graduate college. And then another quintessential time is as a middle-age man. That’s the convergence.

I never really got into ‘The Munsters’ that much, but there was one aspect that was compelling. That was Marilyn. She was the only normal one among this group of creatures.

As an adult, it’s hard for me to remember my mother before her sickness. But if I go back into childhood, I can access that.

Sometimes I’ll be reading something online and just get so frustrated because of what people are saying.

We only got clothing once a year, like, right before school began. It’s like, that’s when you got your clothing.

I used cartoons as diaries. I still do. They’re my way of figuring out the world, what’s happening to me or what I’m thinking about.